Illness And Crisis Resolution

Most of the time we had no illness in our family, but there were occasions when we had short crisises. The first was when I had acute appendicitis at the end of our second school year together. School was out on a Friday and in the middle of the night I began to have pain in my stomach and was running a high fever and chilling. As soon as day came your dad took me to a doctor I knew about but had never met. He immediately put me in the hospital for emergency surgery. I remember telling your dad not to tell my mother about it until it was all over. When I awakened from the surgery in my room and saw my mother, I burst into tears, it was so comforting to have her there. We were scheduled to go to Peabody in a few days and your dad made a bed for me in the back of the car so I could travel more easily. Also during my recuperation he cooked a meal for me. As I recall he had pork chops, apple salad and I believe blueberry muffins. Not bad for someone who did not cook..

When Bonnie and Bruce were very young your dad became ill. He was working long hours and he came down with strep throat. The medicines which he was given were not taking effect, but he kept on working when he really should not have. Finally he was sent to a throat specialist and was told he had "quinsy", something that pigs get from not being treated. Essentially it was a boil in the throat. This doctor "burned" the boil out and that almost did him in. I was afraid to drive at the time and he wanted me to drive him home, I begged off and so he did drive himself. He was probably thinking I was a first class wimp but he did not say so. During that illness he was given every drug the doctor could think of to cure this infection. The one I remember was trichlormethiazide. He told us he used it as a last resort. After Ray was over the infection, he began to have pains in the ends of his fingers. The same doctor was concerned as this same drug he gave reluctantly, could cause cancer. We had to take his word for this and we were both very concerned. I clearly remember us standing in the middle of the living room with our arms around each other and praying, willing to accept whatever God was sending us to handle. Thankfully, he recovered and life went on.

As far as his illnesses I think that was it. When he was in his forties he was diagnosed with very high cholesterol however. His doctor ( a former Navy doctor) gave him drugs to hopefully get it down but they did no good at all. So, diet and exercise was the only solution. I did my part by preparing "clean" food. I remember back then it was recommended to take 2 tablespoons of corn oil each day. I bought diet books and made food as palatable as possible. He began a running program and since he was traveling a lot he would run in place. This was having some positive effect. How much longer it would have helped I do not know as we moved to Georgia and after a year here he lost his life in an automobile accident. We were all in shock and for some time struggled to lead normal lives.

Some things took precedent over others. The immediate situation was that we had purchased a home one week prior and settlement had been made. There was a move to take place and the men of our church insisted on moving us into our new home. It was about two blocks from the house where we were living. I really did not want them to do this as we had a piano to move, no small task and my daughter wanted it upstairs close to her bedroom. Somehow it was all accomplished without any serious injury ! There were improvements in the house which needed attention and I threw myself into that task. I remember being up at 2:00 in the morning using a steamer to remove old wallpaper from the living room walls.

Since I was the only driver there were many trips to be made which involved teen activities at school and church and sporting events as my son was playing football. Also band trips, scouting events and trips to school for special performances and much more. Thankfully by this time I was not timid about driving. Necessity causes us to adapt quickly when no one is there to help.

I had already begun the process of certification to teach in the state of Georgia. I had finished a 5 hour class at Dekalb College in teaching reading and it seemed the only thing to do was take the next 5 hours. I enrolled at Mercer University for this class in teaching Social Studies. Ray and I had already planned for me to work and help pay for Bonnie's college education. This was the obvious next step. Fortunately I was financially able to put off working for a while and help us all adjust to this new life. Working is a natural solution for me in problem solving, or in times of stress. I think my mother did the same thing. When we saw her cleaning wallpaper ( I doubt that is done in this day and time) we knew she had something serious on her mind.

What I did was volunteer in various ways. I was already teaching a Sunday School class of second graders at our church. I began to serve as deacon also. And I began working with Villa International in Decatur. This involved driving families of doctors who were in temporary studies at the CDC. While the doctors studied the wives and children lived at International Villa and I helped by taking them where they wanted to go. We became good friends with a family from Mexico and also one from Libya. The Mexican doctor pierced Bonnie's ears for her. I was against her doing that but she convinced me that the good doctor would do it right !! The family from Libya invited us to their home for a meal on a special occasion. I remember that the mother cooked chicken in tomatoes and I added that dish to my own favorites.

Another place where I volunteered was the Davidson School for the Deaf in North Druid Hills. I did whatever was suggested by the directors. I remember driving other older people who could no longer drive.

It also became necessary for me to buy a new car. Our neighbor offered to help in this area as the husband was a car salesman. I declined as I thought I needed to look for an inexpensive car. When I went shopping the salesman must have thought I was out of my mind as I insisted upon a manual shift. He had to look hard to find such a car, but finally did, a Dodge Polaris. In my naivete I thought it would be easier for me to drive what I had learned on, the manual shift. He tried to convince me but to no avail. Bonnie learned to drive in that car and I feel sure it would have been better for her if I had bought one with an automatic shift !! Maybe she would not have hit that mail box at the gate to Stone Mt. Park. OOPS, I should not have told that !!

These activities for me and school , church and visiting family in Ky. all helped us to get through these difficult times. I made a lot of trips to see family when the children were not in school. I think it was affirming for me and for my children too. We all have different ways of coping in times of stress. I suppose we all have to find our own solution as one does not fit all.