Goodbye to a Beautiful Smile

We have lost a family member, Marcella Freudenberg Matthis. I first met her when I was in high school and she married my older brother. She was working with a Photography Group visiting in our town. My brother was a good friend of the man who owned the Photo Shop where she had come to work.

That is when I came to know my first "real" Yankee. It was like a foreign language for me to hear her clear, clipped speech. I had only heard southern drawls around me up to that time. But she brought to our family a most engaging smile. That is what stands out to me, her smile. When she smiled and laughed you heard a quiet little chuckle. It was 1942 and America had just entered into World War II. She was a new war bride and when my brother went into the Air Force she went with him.

During the war I wrote letters to the service men that I knew. I also wrote to her brother, though I had never met him. He was a very handsome young man and it was a snail mail friendship. After the war ended this girl with the beautiful smile came to live in the mountains with her new husband. That is when I began to know her better. I learned she was a gourmet cook. My brother only cared about having a big pot of pinto beans and cornbread, which was not in her repertoire. So he went to his sister's home to satisfy his taste of the cooking of his childhood.

I enjoyed many of her elegant desserts when I was in their home visiting.

When it was time for her first baby to be born, she went back to her home in Illinois so her own mother could be there to assist her. I can understand that as I wanted my mother to be with me when my children were born.

As the years went by I saw less of her. There were the vacations times when all of my family gathered at Myrtle Beach. That is when I got to know my nieces and nephews better also. Our families grew and changed until we no longer were able to have these family visits. But there were occasions when we did visit, like the time her granddaughter was married. She was there in a beautiful dress to match her smile. That was the last time I saw her. She was living in Pikeville, Ky. in the home that she and my brother had bought years ago.

I am glad that the last time I saw her was for a happy occasion. We had been through sad times and good times, so it is good to remember the good times. She died in her home with two of her daughters by her side. That is something to be treasured, for them and for me. Though we will not see her smile again we do have memories and photographs to remind us of a gentle soul who always had a smile for everyone.

R. R. Parsons, March 26,1922 - December 11, 1970

Forty years ago the lives of my family came to a screeching halt. We were in shock for some time. It takes a lot of healing to learn to lead a normal life after the husband and father in a family is suddenly lost. It takes time to learn to move through the routine things and think again about the future. It takes a lot of help from others as when you are in the middle of grief you really cannot think straight.

Much time has passed since that day when our lives were turned upside down. Remembering the man who was my husband and the father of my children brings me to want to express what kind of man we are talking about. Here are some facts.

He served his country in Europe during World War II. Upon returning to the states he enrolled in college at Eastern Ky. State. When he had finished his schooling there he and I were married and both of us began teaching in Kentucky. He continued in school after that first year of teaching. After three summers of nothing but study he graduated from Peabody College in Nashville Tennessee with a masters degree. This was part of our plan for our lives together. He would complete his schooling and we gave ourselves five years before settling down to having our family. He found employment in the state of Maryland and then our plan continued to work. Since teaching was not bringing in enough money to live as well as he wanted for his family he found work in the business world. As the years passed other opportunities became available for work. He and I discussed moving our family to another state in order for him to take a new job. We sold our home and moved the family to Georgia. We had only lived in Georgia for one year and four months when our plan as we knew it came to a finish.

Without his counsel I had to take on the job of single parent. My children and I had a good solid base for continuing in the same pattern because of his character and integrity. He took his job of father very seriously. His children and I were foremost in his mind always. When he was away from home he called us every night. He carried a picture of his children with him wherever he went. He was always thinking of them and what he could do to make our family strong. He succeeded and because of his strength and love for us we were able to rebuild our lives in the knowledge that we were continuing what he had planned for us.

Much has changed in our individual lives but one thing remains constant, that is our love and concern for each other. I know he would be pleased that we are carrying on the concern and love which he showed for us.

Alone

I have solitude on my mind today as my sister will be leaving in two days to go back to her home in Ohio. It has been nice to have her here and now I will adjust to her not being here. I have had some practice in these kinds of changes. I recall the first time my husband had to leave our home and was gone for two weeks. When he came back from this extended work trip I felt a little distant from him. It was all in my mind however and soon dissipated as our little family fell back into the routine of living.

One Thanksgiving holiday when I was away at college all of my classmates had gone to their homes for the four day break. For a reason which I cannot remember I had stayed on campus. Being there in my dorm room alone gave me a deep feeling of loss. I do remember that I "got over it " and life went on.

After my husband had lost his life and I was at home with our two children, I felt something different from loss. Since they were there and needng me to guide them through their adjustment I was too busy to feel other than a deep sadness. Also I was still in shock at the sudden way he died. One afternoon soon after his death, when the children were in school I had fallen asleep in a chair, I awakened suddenly, feeling a "presence" near me. It was not a fearful feeling, rather it was comforting and I felt it was the presence of my husband. I cannot explain the feeling but we were very happy together and somehow I felt that he was looking in on me. Perhaps in spirit he had come back to say his goodbye.

It is always easier to leave a place, person, etc. after a happy time together, than it is to be left after a good time, as in a family gathering, to be the one telling all good-by and come back soon. The emptiness of the house surrounds you and the best way to dispel the feeling is to get busy and find chores to do. That I have perfected to a fine degree. I just "git er dun" and go on. Perhaps that is discipline, but whatever it is, it works for me.

Perhaps it seems premature to be writing about this change now rather than after it has occurred. It may be that I just hate to see the separation become a reality as we are very close to each other and have an understanding which is so natural to sisters. Whatever it is I am sure we will be in close contact by phone checking in to see what is happening, what the doctor has said about tests, What the grandchildren are up to. In her case it would be purple gramma, a name given to her by her great grandchild after a fall left her chin purple. It is enduring none the less. And as the gentleman in our S.S. class said, having grandchildren to brighten our lives makes us feel younger, not older. I am buying into that and the idea that I will eventually recover from being the one left behind after this family three week visit. We will have many memories of this time to sustain us.