Debts

The year was around 1956. The setting; my sister and I both had married and were living in separate parts of the country and both had one daughter. The daughters were a few months apart in age, my sister and I were a few years apart in age. The occasion; my husband had to be in Lansing, Michigan for one week. The event; my sister lived in Toledo, Ohio my husband took my daughter and me with him on this trip. He left us with my sister as he went on to complete his business in Lansing.

It had been a long drive as we lived on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. My memories of that trip are vague. Looking back I believe I was in a depressed state of mind as I slept most of the time. My sister gave me the front upstairs bedroom with windows looking out onto the street below. She took my daughter under her wing and me also. I had lost weight and before I went back to Maryland I had gained five pounds from her pampering. She lovingly fed us, cared for us and infused life and hope back into me.

I think my husband had taken us on this trip as he knew I needed to be with family. The family in which I grew up had always been supportive and loving. Living so far from those who love and care for you, no doubt was the basis for my depression. I do recall that before that year was out and I was back in Maryland, I did go through a period of not being able to eat, of actually gagging when I tried to swallow food. I spent a lot of time crying. I remember sitting on the side of the bed, my husband sitting beside me with his arms around me as I sobbed. Inside I was crying out "help me", but the words would not come out.

No doubt my husband had consulted our neighbor who had a doctor and I found myself in his office trying to answer his question "what is wrong". My reply was "nothing is wrong" and I sincerely did not know of anything that was wrong. He said he could not help me if I did not tell him what was wrong. We were at a stalemate as I had no answer. So, he prescribed "a pill" to be taken each day.

After about three days I was standing at the sink washing dishes and something went off in my head like a light bulb. And it suddenly dawned on me what was wrong !!

We were living a long way from my home where most of my siblings and my parents still lived. I had never known separation from them until this time. Phone calls were a rare thing then and visits even more rare. Opening up to friends to discuss decisions was foreign to me and counseling was not as common as it is now in 2010. I was struggling to cope without close companionship, except for my husband. Something deep inside of me caused me to think I should be able to rely on my own resources without any outside help and come up with perfect answers. I had relied upon my family for emotional support and now it was not there.

A week with my sister was certainly a step in the right direction. I owe her a big debt for supplying that need at that time. Also the neighbor who was there to give some guidance is due a heartfelt thank you. The doctor who prescribed "the pill" and set me on a path of recovery was another critical player in this story. Having a supportive husband who was willing to walk over hot coals with me was ultimately key to getting me back on track. To them all I am in debt and can only repay it by passing it on, without judgement or criticism to whomever is in need and falls within my sphere of influence. It is a big order, I give it my best try.