Ruth Matthis Stifel Oct.-17-1923 Dec. 31st 2013

 The last gathering of my siblings (shown to the right) was at the funeral of my brother-in law Rufus Bailey in 1981.  Only one of the eight children of Rose and Chester Matthis was missing.  Kenneth Moss Matthis had died  March, 17th, 1970.  Six months after the death of Rufus Bailey, Katrine's husband, she succumbed to Cancer in a hospital in Lexington, Ky. 

The picture  shows Ruth Matthis Stifel, second from the left.  At this time there is only one of this group left to mourn the passing of Ruth.  It is myself and I feel very deeply the severing of this family connection.  For those who may not recognize those pictured,  I will name the above left to right; Rose, Ruth, Frances, Bill, Katrine, Gene and Chester Blain.  An interesting book could be written about each of them, but today I want to tell about my sister Ruth.

Ruth was born in Pineville, Kentucky which is in Bell county in southeastern Kentucky.  Ruth loved her family and never wanted to part from any of us.  When she married at age 24, her husband George had to drive her home from Toledo every week-end to see her family or she would have perished.  She never wanted to leave home but when she married and her husband would not stay in the small mountain town of Harlan, he had to compensate by driving her from Ohio to  Kentucky every single week-end.

When she had her first son and could not travel, I got on a train and went to see her and the new baby.  George Craig was born on December 4, 1948 and was two weeks old when I first set eyes on him.  Ruth was so excited that some of her family would be coming she ran out to meet me and I got a snap shot of that scene.  It sticks out in my memory to exemplify her passion for her family.  As the years passed and I had a daughter, I was living in Maryland and feeling rather isolated.  My husband had to make a business trip to Flint Michigan so he took me with him and left me  at Ruth's home for a week.  During that time I rested, slept, ate, and Ruth looked after me, cooked for me, took care of my two year old daughter. I gained five pounds the week I was with her.  Ruth did it gladly, for she did so love her family.

Ruth had a lot to worry her besides a daughter who needed heart surgery.  Her husband had to enter a hospital for treatment of Tuberculosis.  It was such a stressful time for her that her  thyroid gland reacted.  She had to have surgery for removal of a  goiter.   It was a big deal in 1959 to have a goiter removed.  I had two children then and I bundled them up and got homework for my daughter for two weeks then got on a train for Ohio.  I would have done anything to get to my sister to stay with her and be a temporary mother for her  children.  While she was in the hospital I made a trip to her daughter's school to tell her teacher that Charlotte was being bullied by a classmate, as she walked to and from school.  The teacher put a stop to that right away.  

During the years following that time, Ruth and I were both busy with our families and with working at our jobs so we did not  have the opportunity to visit as we would have liked to do.  As the years passed and the children were growing up, we began to visit as a family at the beach in South Carolina.  Katrine and Rufus always went to the beach around the fourth of July as that was when the coal industry took a break for the miners to have a vacation.  Each of us had our own  apartments and at the evening meal we would gather to eat together.  We had spent our days in the sun together so the evenings were set aside to enjoy an evening meal either at a restaurant or in someone's apartment.  Katrine always had a movie camera ( pre videocam  days) and I still have some of those movies we took at the beach.  Any of my family will remember being there as children,  it was a kid's paradise.  We hunted for sharks teeth that would wash up on the beach and then have jewelry made from those black fossilized teeth.  Ruth and her husband George enjoyed these family gatherings as we all did. 

Ruth's husband had lost his parents at a young age so he loved being in a big family like ours.  He called my mother "Mammy" and delighted in being one of us.  As the years passed and our children grew up and had homes of their own, Ruth and I began to reconnect.  She came to visit and we took day trips to little towns in north Georgia, and sometimes I would go to Ohio and we had projects that we worked on such as a quilt for her granddaughter Katie or her granddaughter Amelia.  Ruth wanted to make a quilt for her third granddaughter Valerie, but it never got done.  Health issues began to creep in, like knee replacements.  I was free to go to Ohio and spend time with her  for one of those operations.  She insisted I sleep in her huge bed while she took a smaller one.  Many things about the area intrigued me.  The evergreen "Christmas trees" were different from anything we had in the south.

On one of my trips up to visit her we spent some delightful times watching the snow birds (Junco)  as they crowded onto a watering saucer outside her sliding glass doors.  Once we counted 24 at one time.  There were interesting parks  to visit and some stores quite unlike anything I had seen in Georgia.  I think she enjoyed taking me to  the Needle shop where I went "bonkers" over the variety of yarns and threads.

  Ruth and I grew up together and slept in the same bed.  We used to spoon or as we called it making chairs.  It kept us both warm on the cold Kentucky winters.  She remembers that I awakened one morning from a dream and told her a big bear was breathing down my neck.  Ruth said that she was  the bear in my dream.  We went barefoot during warm weather and one of our favorite sayings at bedtime was "if I die in the night be sure to wash my feet".  We were  not concerned about dying in the night, just that our feet would be dirty.  Remember that the house we lived in did not have indoor plumbing, so taking a shower at bedtime was problematic.

When Ruth graduated from High School our parents wanted her to go to college but they could not convince her of the advantage of leaving home for studying elsewhere.  She insisted she wanted to get a job and work so she could buy clothes.  Her favorite store was called The Quality Shop in the little town of Harlan.  She had a charge account there and her earnings went to the owners of that shop.  There were times when my mother would tell Ruth she had to share a dress with me.  She was not too happy about it but she did it.  Looking back it was rather unfair but when money was tight our parents had to find ways to manage things like what to wear!!  Ruth and I were the same size so it was a very lucky break for me as Ruth chose only the best clothing.  Sometimes our older sister Frances would make twin dresses for us.  In our family there was a lot of sharing and caring for each other.

Ruth came very close to death once when she had appendicitis.  A dear friend of mother's came by our house to tell mother goodbye as she and her doctor husband were going out of the country.  She saw how sick Ruth was and called her husband to come right away and see her.  He did and Ruth went right into the hospital for emergency surgery.  In those days you did not call the doctor unless you were at the point of death, and this time she was, for infection had begun to set in.    It was when sulfa was just coming into use and it saved Ruth's life that time.  Doctors in the fields had just begun to use sulfa on the sick soldiers in World War II.

Ruth worked with our father in his office at the Harlan Fuel Company.  She learned from him how to keep the records and balance books and also how to run a store as that came under his list of duties.  The post office was in the Commissary and Ruth helped to run that also.  She was very efficient and  years later when she worked in a hospital office she handled the financial affairs of  that office.  When she retired they had to hire three women to replace her.  She really turned out the work!

Before Ruth's health began to fail her she had a Sunday night ritual with her son's family.  She liked to cook for them and they liked having her do it.  She made chicken and dumplings like no one else could.  When she visited with me here in the south our days of cooking big meals went by the way side.  I wanted Ruth to make her home with me and she did give it a try.  I think she got spooked however as I was in a head on collision one Sunday.  She did not feel like going into church with me on that day and  I was glad she was not with me as she surely would have been badly injured, because I was.  While I was in the hospital she began to rethink the idea of living so far from her family in Ohio.  So she sold her home there and went into an adult retirement home.  I visited her there and it was a fun place to live, she met new friends and joined a new Presbyterian Church.  She met a friend there who was still driving so they attended church together.  I visited church with her there too, and she went on a  women's week-end retreat there several times.  She liked the church and the pastor, who happened to be a lady.

Unfortunately for some of us our health declines and this happened to her.  For a time I had two family members ( Ruth and Bill) living n Assisted Living  homes.  I was not doing any long distance traveling at that time but I was able to keep in touch by phone and through letters.

The last time I spoke to my brother he was telling me about trying to cope with a leg which would not move for him.  He was reaching the point where life was not so much fun and he was ready to pass on.  We are not in charge of that decision however so he lingered on for some time.  Ruth also reached that stage and the last time I heard her voice she began a sentence but could not finish it.  She said "Rosie I wish you........."  I think I know what she was trying to say, for at an earlier time she told me she thought if I came walking through the door she would be all well.  I feel a lot of guilt for not being able to make the trip to visit her.  I was concerned about a medical incident for myself when I was far from home so I never tried to make the trip.

After someone close to you passes on you may experience signs and wonders.  Ruth always loved birds and had pictures of them on her walls at her home and wall hangings of bird houses and clothing with red cardinals on them or little decorated bird houses on a shirt.  The night after Ruth's death my niece called me from Phoenix, Arizona. We were talking about Ruth and her friend said she heard a bird singing outside.  My niece heard it too.  It was dark at night in Phoenix when this happened.  It was then that I talked about Ruth's love of birds.  Was it a sign from Ruth saying "I am okay now" ? 

When my daughter went to work the day after New Years she walked into her office and got a big surprise, as on her computer screen was a picture of a beautiful white dove.  She could not remember putting that picture on her computer but she had many other pictures of flowers (that she had taken herself).  She had come to see me on New Years Day and when she came in she had the sad duty to tell me of losing my sister.  So what about these signs and wonders that the Bible speaks of?  Are they little gifts from God to give us comfort?  We surely need comforting when our heart has been bruised or broken.  God tells us through His Holy Bible that  he will supply all our needs and I believe comforting someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one qualifies as a big need.

A lot of Ruth's family and her friends will be remembering her for a long time.  She was witty, clever and talented.   We will be remembering her for as long as we are able and laughing at the funny things she did and thanking God for her life.