Jim had much in his own life to deal with, in terms of physical disabilities, yet he was able to continue to make a positive impact on those with whom he came in contact. For everyone he met he had a smile, a handshake and a hearty "How are you"? It could be to a clerk in a store, a stranger when he was out walking with his dogs, a workman at his Condo, a neighbor he knew, or a newcomer at the pool, and with it all, a twinkle in his eyes.
Jim could be very serious or just joking, and make you feel at ease. He did not dwell on the sad side of life but made it easy to forget you had your own set of problems. I had to learn when he was joking or was serious. I don't think I ever really learned the secret of telling the difference.
Jim was a leader, he could just walk into a room and emanate energy. I always felt secure when I was with him in a new situation as I knew he would take the lead and smooth out the way. There were many occasions in my life when I needed someone to take the lead. After Jim retired he was free to help me handle many situations which cropped up at my house. He had the ability to analyze any situation and see what the best solution would be for that unique time and place.
Jim liked spicy food and when he would be cooking at my house he held back on the spices for me. He learned to make the best bean soup ever, using the pressure cooker. He bought one for me but I never did get the hang of it. He did teach me a lot of other things about the kitchen. He did not claim to be a baker, he left that up to me when he was in my territory. When he came up to help me with some chores that were beyond me, I tried to make some things he liked to eat. His dietary preferences changed when he had to avoid wheat and I could no longer make cherry pie, his favorite. He could eat potatoes however and always loved my potato salad. He gave me a great gift by allowing me to make it for him when he came up to help me.
When we had enough people in the house to play cards he entered into the game of "hearts" with gusto, saying "let's go looking for the lady" referring to the queen of spades which no one wanted to hold in his hand. He liked to win and kept us all on our toes. He was good at "shooting for the moon" and won more often than he lost.
It was not often that I could best him and usually did not even try. He was interested in Politics and could make a very good argument for his position without even announcing his preference. He did not like to see prejudice in any form and would point out how injustices had been inflicted on people thoughtlessly. If you were lazy in your arguments he would catch you in a New York minute. He was quick to say "I don't know" rather than try to give false information. He was also quick to say, there is something called the "inter web" and would get on the keyboard to find any information you or he needed.Jim was curious about what I thought about faith and we discussed that a lot at lunch or during times when work was not pressing. We had some deep, serious, thoughtful discussions. He was not prone to divulge his own deep inner feeling, but he was very conscious that not everyone held the same views and he was respectful of that. Yet if he picked up on a misunderstanding of your knowledge of a particular group of people or culture he would skillfully guide you into a better understanding.
Jim liked history and we exchanged books from time to time. He knew I liked biographies and kept that in mind when he brought a book to me. Jim kept drug store glasses both here and at his home, probably six pairs here. We were always looking for a pair and I had them stashed away in several places, plus goggles for outside use.
I had two drawers for him to keep his work clothes in and one for his work shoes - all in my laundry room. He needed them as he worked on outside chores. I relied on him to show me how to set the thermostat for the floor heat, attic heat, A/C and any electrical appliances. He did so much to help me be able to live in my own home, for as long as I wanted. No son-in-law could be better to his mother-in-law than he was to me.
He looked out for my interests in finances, advising me at every turn, making it easier for me to manage on my own. He was a good teacher, never losing patience and it takes a lot of it to teach an older person how to use a computer, or to convince someone else to change old habits. I owe him a great debt and perhaps the best way to repay it is to "move it forward" and use his example to make life easier for one other person. He surely did make a lot of difference during his life to a host of people he met along the way. If he was having a bad day in his life due to health problems he kept it to himself and let others see only that confident, carefree side and not bring them down. He did it with a smile and a "how are you" just for starters.
I am so glad that I had him in my life. I learned so much from him and he was very supportive of me in my efforts to learn new things and enrich my life by trying new things. He was alert to the things that would benefit me here in my home and in my life. From time to time he would send me links by email to sources of information on something I was interested in. He loved the music of the Beatles and would send me songs to brighten up my day. I was not knowledgeable about the Beatles nor their type of music so he wanted me to know how meaningful their songs were in everyday living. He helped me to know "Rocky Raccoon" and it became a byword for us when something needed to be done. He would say "I will as soon as I am able". So, I can say to Jim's spirit "I will join you as soon as I am able". In the meantime I will always have the memories of Jim and as long as I remember I will still have him in my life. I have 37 years of memories and visual reminders are all around me. Reminders like the boom box he gave me many years ago, the remodeled kitchen he helped me design and have installed, energy efficient windows all over my house, a ceiling fan he installed, two pecan trees he planted, and many perennials. There is the volunteer magnolia he saved by freeing it from it's confinement between two huge fallen logs. There is the blueberry bed he tilled and planted with bushes and enclosed with a fence and netting. He helped me negotiate many improvements here like a new dock, a new car, a new roof on the house, and a new style back door which he painted green. I love that green door so much that he painted the front door green too. He worked with my son one Mothers Day to surprise me with a charming cross tie stairway up a hill to my house. Perhaps the greatest thing was his time to teach me to use a computer, which has given me a new hobby and new outlook on life.Don't ever think that you will not make a difference in life. It would be terribly shortsighted to do so. It is just a question of, will it be positive or negative? No one can be at the top of their game every minute, but you will make a difference whether you realize it or not. So why not adopt the attitude that you will be a positive force and make that positive difference in any life with whom you come in contact. If you think you have too many problems to make the effort, I hope you will remember Jim, or someone you know whom you can remember as making the difference for you.
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