All of the people I know are leading busy lives with family or with their jobs. Many of my friends are of my generation or younger. Most of them are retired and not as active physically, yet most of them have found their niche in service. Most have developed health problems, as their physical energy wears thin. I am thinking of one such lady who, it seems, led a life of service and loneliness. But, was she really lonely? I question that she was. I think she had a personal GPS to keep her on course.
This is what I know about her: When she was a baby, an older child was attempting to carry her and perhaps stumbled as she fell and dropped her. She landed on the ground in such as way that her hip was damaged for life. If that had happened in our modern world of medical miracles, it may have changed her life. As she grew her legs did not grow at the same speed and she was left with one leg shorter than the other, which limited her activities severely. When I first knew her, she had retired from her life's work as a hair dresser. She had spent her life working in a standing position and making others look better with her skills.
At the same time that she was doing this work, she took on the job of caring for her ailing mother. She had a brother also, but I am not sure what his roll was in the care of their mother. I do know that she was a devout, unmarried lady who could no longer drive and her friends helped her out by taking her shopping, on a weekly basis. She was a founding member our church, and when she could no longer drive, someone drove her to the services. She found ways to show kindness even then ,when she was severely limited. One Sunday, when I had taken my three year old grandson to worship with me, she called him to come over to her and she gave him a little package of candies. She did this fairly often when he was there with me. That gave him a warm, happy feeling.
She had taken on one mission of our church, by sending out birthday cards to all of the our members throughout the year. She served on our prayer chain, and passed requests on, via the telephone so that others as well as she, could lift them up in prayer during their time of need.
Growing up with the experience of being a care giver as she had done, gave her a fiery streak which she could use if need be. She could verbally stand up for what she thought was right. Her faith kept her steady. Early on in her life she played the piano for a small group of like minded people working to establish a church in the west end of our town. We all knew that her favorite hymn was "Precious Lord". This hymn was written by Thomas A. Dorsey in 1938. The words to the first verse are: "Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand; I am tired, I am weak, I am worn; through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light; take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home". No doubt she found comfort in the words of this song. It must have given her strength when she needed support.
She wore a monitor in case of an emergency, she could call for help. If she had been able to, I think she would have used it on her last opportunity to do so. On this particular day, she did not answer calls and someone went to check on her, they found her in the chair where she sat most of the time. She had her phone beside her, her notebook of calls, her Bible and was wearing her monitor. Apparently she died in her sleep.
She spent her working life doing for others, and in later life she gratefully accepted help when she needed it. But I doubt that she was lonely. Whenever I saw her, or stopped by to take something to her, she had a smile on her face and conversation to match her smile.
When I think of her limitations, it reminds me that there is always something one can do to brighten the day of another human being, even a small child. The people in our world who could use a little cheering, are legion. With the diversity of us all, the ways to extend kindness is also legion. Not everyone is in a position to extend kindness in the same way. But when an opportunity comes by, take hold of the moment and do the thing that no one else can do, but you, at that moment.
I think that Doris had found a way to "get out of herself". She was not focused on her limitations, rather looked outside of herself to send a brightness to those who passed her way. It is good to think of Doris, and follow her example. Psychologists will tell you that the best way to fight depression or problems of loneliness is to focus on helping someone else. That is a good thought to tuck under your hat and use when the opportunity arises.
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