This morning I had a recorded message from the county sheriff's office asking all to go outside and search their yards, cars, area for a missing woman who apparently was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Later I read online about a 115 year old woman in California who had just died. One of our church members is a lady who has attained the age of 101. She comes to worship at special times only as it is a supreme effort for her to get dressed and make the trip. She is mentally alert and has lived longer than she wanted. She often says she does not know why the Lord is keeping her here. She lives with her daughter and son-in-law who both sing in our church choir. She feels she is a big burden for her daughter who has some health problems of her own.
Recently I heard a discussion at a gathering about the high cost of living in retirement homes. My own sister is living in such a retirement home. Her daughter calls it the "Taj" ( for Taj Mahal ) because it is a beautiful place. A friend of mine is in the process of looking for such a place to live and I think she has made her decision for a home which has assisted living benefits. I am well acquainted with this home as another friend lived there for several years.
The preferred solution for most older people is the status quo. However that is not always the best answer unless one is able to live alone in good health. Learning to play with the cards you are dealt is a wise endeavor or as I have heard someone say "get over it" or "deal with it", "make the best of it", "turn your lemons into lemonade", or just simply accept it. So much has to do with one's health and attitude toward life in general.
Being the person on the sidelines of a family in such a situation is not easy. Once a person has "passed" as they say in the south, an adjustment must be made by those close to that person. Dealing with a loss in the family is difficult at best. Knowing a lot about the person who has "passed" can help. With my own mother I knew her philosophy and also I knew that she was "ready" as her impaired vision had taken away her main joy, reading. She had the talking books service from the library however and that extended her interest in events . The fact that she just did not wake up one morning spared her from a long time of suffering. It helped to know that the day before she had danced through the house in a new red dress that her daughter had made for her. She was essentially a happy, joyful person who once told me that death was like slipping into a pair of comfortable old shoes.
When it is your life mate who is no longer there each day a completely different adjustment is called for and one must find his/her own best way of dealing with the loss. For me it was simply wearing his pajamas. They were pale blue and white stripe with a tie belt. I wore those for years then kept them in a drawer for much longer. Our church supported a "Clothes Box" for foreign missionaries to choose from when they returned to this country. That is where I took my husband's clothes. When I did decide to do that however, it had a negative physical result which sent me to my doctor for extensive tests. Some medications helped but a broken heart is not cured with medicines. Time and activity involving helping others is probably the best medicine. I was able to find that in providing transportation for families who were living at Villa International in Decatur, Ga. They had accompanied their husbands/fathers who were here studying at the Centers for Disease Control . Teaching a Sunday School class kept me occupied along with being the parent of two teens. Also I continued to take classes at Mercer U. in Atlanta which would update my teaching certificate from Maryland. That was a lot of being busy !!
In this day and time I can think rationally about such things. When one is in the middle of a crisis it is much different. That is when friends and family can "be there" for help. Often just being present in person can be comforting. I recall going across the street to thank a neighbor for something she had sent to me. Of course we were discussing the sudden change for me and my children. My husband and I had purchased a new home and had not even moved into it when we were plunged into this crisis. She had asked me how my children were doing. I spoke of their involvement in our church (the one my husband had chosen for us as he thought the children would like it ) and of their activities at their school. I was torn between going to my family in another state or staying in Atlanta. When she said to me "if your children are happy here I would not rock the boat". That one statement helped me to focus on my best plan of action, which was - do nothing. So when someone is trying to "deal" with a crisis your counsel can mean more than you could imagine. Just a few words may help someone make a critical decision which is plain to you but is hidden from the one who is in the middle of the storm.
Recently I heard a discussion at a gathering about the high cost of living in retirement homes. My own sister is living in such a retirement home. Her daughter calls it the "Taj" ( for Taj Mahal ) because it is a beautiful place. A friend of mine is in the process of looking for such a place to live and I think she has made her decision for a home which has assisted living benefits. I am well acquainted with this home as another friend lived there for several years.
The preferred solution for most older people is the status quo. However that is not always the best answer unless one is able to live alone in good health. Learning to play with the cards you are dealt is a wise endeavor or as I have heard someone say "get over it" or "deal with it", "make the best of it", "turn your lemons into lemonade", or just simply accept it. So much has to do with one's health and attitude toward life in general.
Being the person on the sidelines of a family in such a situation is not easy. Once a person has "passed" as they say in the south, an adjustment must be made by those close to that person. Dealing with a loss in the family is difficult at best. Knowing a lot about the person who has "passed" can help. With my own mother I knew her philosophy and also I knew that she was "ready" as her impaired vision had taken away her main joy, reading. She had the talking books service from the library however and that extended her interest in events . The fact that she just did not wake up one morning spared her from a long time of suffering. It helped to know that the day before she had danced through the house in a new red dress that her daughter had made for her. She was essentially a happy, joyful person who once told me that death was like slipping into a pair of comfortable old shoes.
When it is your life mate who is no longer there each day a completely different adjustment is called for and one must find his/her own best way of dealing with the loss. For me it was simply wearing his pajamas. They were pale blue and white stripe with a tie belt. I wore those for years then kept them in a drawer for much longer. Our church supported a "Clothes Box" for foreign missionaries to choose from when they returned to this country. That is where I took my husband's clothes. When I did decide to do that however, it had a negative physical result which sent me to my doctor for extensive tests. Some medications helped but a broken heart is not cured with medicines. Time and activity involving helping others is probably the best medicine. I was able to find that in providing transportation for families who were living at Villa International in Decatur, Ga. They had accompanied their husbands/fathers who were here studying at the Centers for Disease Control . Teaching a Sunday School class kept me occupied along with being the parent of two teens. Also I continued to take classes at Mercer U. in Atlanta which would update my teaching certificate from Maryland. That was a lot of being busy !!
In this day and time I can think rationally about such things. When one is in the middle of a crisis it is much different. That is when friends and family can "be there" for help. Often just being present in person can be comforting. I recall going across the street to thank a neighbor for something she had sent to me. Of course we were discussing the sudden change for me and my children. My husband and I had purchased a new home and had not even moved into it when we were plunged into this crisis. She had asked me how my children were doing. I spoke of their involvement in our church (the one my husband had chosen for us as he thought the children would like it ) and of their activities at their school. I was torn between going to my family in another state or staying in Atlanta. When she said to me "if your children are happy here I would not rock the boat". That one statement helped me to focus on my best plan of action, which was - do nothing. So when someone is trying to "deal" with a crisis your counsel can mean more than you could imagine. Just a few words may help someone make a critical decision which is plain to you but is hidden from the one who is in the middle of the storm.
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